Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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