I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
