I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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