oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
one might say we're banned from that church
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
how does that bad decision feel?
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