there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
