I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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