Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
