just survived the first fart of the relationship.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
