i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
