may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
