i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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