Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
