Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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