If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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