i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
