Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
