A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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