Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
