we have pet lesbian snakes
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize