Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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