you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
