I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize