I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
