You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
