my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
smell my finger.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
