you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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