Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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