you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes