Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm just crazy horny about you
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible