He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
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god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me