My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
