i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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