I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
