Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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