I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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