wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
