What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
