Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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