are you so shy because you have an std?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
