I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
