All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
