So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
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We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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