Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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