I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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