You really coming over, don't trick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
