at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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