How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
