"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
