Pappa wants mamma naked
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
