Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
pray to the hookup gods
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
