please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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