i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
