I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
