new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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