he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
