I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
