I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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