I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
