I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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