Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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