I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
we should paint friendship bongs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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