You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you win again, gameday.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
