In America we eat man semen.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
