so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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