GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
