On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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