Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
