Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
