I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
