So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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